Lately I’ve been suffering from a pretty severe depressive episode. Sometimes it seems like I’ll never get out of it- I am okay during the week and then the weekend comes and I feel myself sink into the floor, unmotivated to do anything and unable to get myself up and out the door to participate in every day activities. This weekend was especially bad. My spouse and I had planned to go for a hike Sunday morning but my depression took over and I felt unable to move. They climbed down into my cave with me and waited for me to be ready to get up and go. I cried and said I didn’t want to go. I didn’t have the energy to get dressed and was feeling like poop on a stick. They let me feel my feelings, cry on their shoulder, and stay hidden from the world all while gently suggesting that we should still go- knowing it would make me feel better.
Eventually I managed to get my ass up and put on some clothes. We drove out past North Bend to Snoqualmie forest and hiked the Franklin Falls trail. It was only 2 miles into the forest to get to the falls but I wanted to quit multiple times and head back to the car. I was tired and my body ached from the weight of my depression. I had to take multiple breaks but my spouse was patient and supportive the whole way. By the time we got about half a mile from the falls I started to feel the cloud lift from around me. By the time we got back to the car and headed to a late lunch I had a camera full of photos and I was laughing and having fun.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is that letting a spouse or friend into your cave of depression can sometimes lead to just what you needed to feel a little bit better. Don’t be afraid to be open with your loved ones about how you’re feeling- they may be able to help. Even it just means crawling into the dark with you for a little bit to light a candle.
Here are some of the pictures I took on our adventure today and although they aren’t my best and some of them are pretty meh, it felt good to get out there and move my body, take them, and push myself.